Navigating the Ups and Downs: SENDing help for Parents of SEND Children
I often find myself in deep conversations with parents who are navigating the complexities of raising children with SEND needs. Recently, I spoke with a client who expressed a sentiment that many parents can relate to: the unpredictability of each day when caring for a SEND child, especially one who may be younger and lacks the ability to self-regulate.
It's crucial to acknowledge that some days can be overwhelmingly challenging. The emotional weight can sometimes feel unbearable, leading to moments where all you want to do is sit and cry. Trust me when I say, you are not alone in feeling this way.
So, how do we manage those tough days? Here are some strategies that can help you navigate the rollercoaster of emotions and challenges that come with parenting a SEND child.
1. Quick Assessment: Is There a Simple Solution?
When faced with a challenging situation, the first step is to assess whether there is a straightforward solution. Ask yourself: Is there something we can remove from the environment that will alleviate the stress? Sometimes, a simple change—like moving to a quieter space or taking a break from a triggering activity—can make a world of difference.
Creating a comfortable and safe space allows you to utilize your existing tools and strategies more effectively. Remember, it’s okay to take a step back when you need to.
It’s about your child and you not being everyone else around you!!
2. Pulling on Techniques for Support
If the situation isn’t easily resolved, consider pulling from the techniques you have in your parenting toolkit. This might include calming strategies like breathing exercises, sensory activities, or engaging in a favorite game that helps to redirect focus.
The goal is to make the moment more manageable for both you and your child. Always remember that it's okay to lean on the strategies that have worked for you in the past, even if they might not be a perfect fit for the current situation. Sometimes simple is best.
Embrace the Unexpected
Then there are those "holy shit" moments—situations that catch both you and your child off guard. These can be particularly daunting because they often require quick thinking and adaptability.
In these scenarios, it’s vital to prioritise your child's sense of safety and emotional regulation. Ask yourself: What does my child need right now? How can I help us reach a state of calm?
This might involve using comforting items, employing soothing techniques, or simply offering a reassuring presence. Your ability to think on your feet can make all the difference in these moments. Trust your instincts not other people’s opinions around you those judgemental comments and looks are not what’s important in these moments (well never)
Understanding Your Child’s Triggers
A key component of navigating these challenges is understanding your child’s unique triggers and needs. The best way to learn these is through observation. Spend time watching your child in different situations, noting what consistently causes distress and what seems to bring joy or comfort.
While some challenges may come and go, certain triggers are likely to remain constant. This understanding can help you develop a flexible plan that adapts to your child's evolving needs.
The Emergency Toolbox 🧰
Having a well-stocked “emergency toolbox” of resources and strategies is invaluable. This toolbox should include tried-and-tested techniques and tools that you can rely on both at home and when you’re out and about. Some ideas for this toolbox might include:
- Sensory toys or fidget devices
- Calming visuals or social stories
- Favorite comfort items or blankets
- A list of go-to calming activities
By preparing in advance, you equip yourself to handle challenges as they arise, making each situation feel a little less daunting. Remember if the it’s a really challenging situation to breath stand and use the breathing techniques for you because you need to be in a state of calm to help calm your child. You stopping and taking few deep breaths will not make a difference to their heightened state getting worse for a moment, but will make a huge difference to you and how you handle the situation.
Every day with a SEND child is unique, filled with its own set of highs and lows. It's essential to approach each day with a mindset of flexibility and patience. Remember, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed; what matters most is how you respond to those feelings and the strategies you employ to support both yourself and your child.
You are not alone on this journey. By embracing both the challenges and the joys, and by leaning on your community and resources, you can navigate the complexities of parenting a SEND child with grace and resilience.
And I’m here to support you along the way
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